Bereishit

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Shidduch Crisis Solved

1 Tishri 0001

Gan Eden – So you think your having problems finding your beshert, Adam HaRishon, the first man, androgynous and unique in all of creation, what about him. Now this is a real shidduch crisis. Rabbi Yossi ben Halafta said that making a match is as difficult as splitting the Reed Sea and this is in a world full of potential mates. “It is not good for man to be alone”. […]

Adam Says No To Aliyah

1 Tishri 0001

Heaven - The soul of an unborn child is taught the whole Torah while still in the womb. In a similar fashion Adam was taught the complete Torah, before his soul was blown in his nostrils, “And He blew into his nostrils the soul of life”. Why the nose, his mouth would speak slander, his eyes would blink for evil purposes, and his ears would hear blasphemies. The nose is the most important feature of the face, there can be no legal identification without the nose. […]

Man To Be Created in G-d’s Image

1 Tishri 0001

Gan Eden – Unlike the rest of creation man will be created in G-d’s image, righteous and upright. He will be born already circumcisized as a sign of his righteousness and perfection. He will have the appearance of a twenty-year old.

He will be both a material and spiritual being. He will be formed (רצײו) from the dust from the ground. The defective spelling of formed, the two yuds (י), eludes to his dual nature. He will grow, flourish, decay, and die like other animal but will also walk upright and have the power of speech and thought like spiritual creatures. He will reach from the earth to the heavens, “Since that day that G-d create man upon the earth and to the end of the heavens”. […]

G-d Convene Conference on the Creation of Man

1 Tishrei 0001

Heavenly Throne - G-d convened a conference of Angles to consider the creation of man. Truth requested that G-d reframe from created man as he would be full of lies. The Angel of Peace also opposed it, because he would be quarrelsome. However the Angel of Kindness favored the creation of man, because he would be affectionate and loving. The Angel of Righteousness also favored it, because he would practice justice. God cast the Angle of Truth down to the Earth to invalidate his protest. […]

Lions and Tigers and Behemoths Oh My!

1 Tishrei 0001

The Earth - On this day all of the land animals were brought forth from the earth. Including the Behemoth of a Thousand Hills. So called because due to its immense size it would graze daily on a thousand lush hill and strip them bare. Some modern commentators say that the Behemoth, Leviathan, and the Ziz (a giant bird from Jewish folklore) are dinosaurs. Other say the Behemoth was more like a water buffalo.

Like the Leviathan G-d prevented it from reproducing and will server it to the righteous in the World to Come. As it is described as eating grass like cattle it most likely chews it cud, a sign of a kosher animal.

Why do the stories of creation spend so much time on what the righteous will eat in the World to Come? […]

Pork Kosher! Holy Chazer Batman!

The pig, an animal that is happiest wallowing in its own waste, is seen even in the goyish world as the poster boy of dirt and filth. Pork is not kosher but still contains a spark of holiness, as do all created beings. In fact it is said that the top of the wall falls the furthest.

The Holy spark in port is tightly bound to the Kelipot (shell), Other Side, evil, such that we are unable to release it. Therefore we say it is forbidden, assur which can be literately translated as bound. […]

G-d To Server The Righteous Treif ???

29 Elul 0000

The Seas - On this day G-d created fish, birds, and the great sea giants, the Leviathan. As with all creatures He created the Leviathan male and female. The female he killed so they would not mate and their offspring destroy the word. He salted the female to feed to righteous in the World to Come. While many of the larger sea creatures have fins most do not have scales, the two sign of a kosher fish. Is Leviathan kosher? Is the reward for the righteous a bit of old salty fish?

Rabbi Elazar said, “These are the Leviathan and his mate. These are the seventy princes appointed over the seventy nations, all created to rule over the earth.” To rule over the nations, G-d Himself rules over Israel. […]

Middle Management Positions Filled

29 Elul 0000

The Heavens - G-d staffing of Heaven (creation of Angles) went so well that this day He created higher permanent Angles. “And let the birds fly upon the earth messengers from above”.

These higher Angles are the souls of the stars each with its own name. This is why they could not be created with the others on the second day. “He brings out his host by number, He calls them by name”, “He counts the number of stars and gives a name to each of them”. […]

G-d Sins ???

28 Elul 0000
The Heavens - This incident goes straight to the top. Man’s alibi is still air tight he still has not been created, see previous article. […]

Original Sin, Not What You Think

27 Elul 0000

The Earth - Despite popular belief man did not commit the first sin. Given his record he would be a good suspect but he has an air tight alibi. He had not yet been created. […]

Surfs Up

27 Elul 0000

The Earth - G-d created the sand and surf, but not just for the surfer dudes and beach bunnies. He gathered the water to one place, allowing the hills and mountains to emerge. The water threatened to over run the land. So G-d placed a boundary of sand around it and commanded that it not to cross. […]

Help Wanted, Not Good

26 Elul 0000

Shamayim (Heaven) - From fire and water (Fire - aiSh - Justice, Water - Mayim - Mercy) G-d creates Shamayim (Heaven) and staffs it, see Classified Ad below, with Angles all singing his praise, but it is not good. Yes, it is hard to find good help but this is more then just a labor dispute. […]

Light is Good

25 Elul 0000

The Universe – Last night it was dark and I stubbed my toe. Light is good, but it goes further then that. Darkness is evil, and not just because my toe hurts.

“Darkness is black fire, potent in color.” “Darkness empowers chaos.” “Darkness upon the surface of the deep, and the wind/sprit of G-d hovered upon the surface of the water.”

G-d’s will was to create to form. Chaos, formlessness is therefore contrary to G-d’s will. Water denotes potential form, order. E-lohim (Divine name related to strict justice) brought order to the chaos. […]

G-d Starts Off Creation With a Bang

25 Elul 0000

The Chalal – It all started very small and very dense and under went an initial inflation that lasted an infinitesimal fraction of a second.
A lamp of darkness flashed within the concealed of the concealed . . . […]

G-d Creates Torah, Letters Vie For Position

2000 Years Before Creation

Thrown of Glory - In a scene reminiscent of an episode of Sesame Street all the letters appeared before the Holy One to state their case why they should be the first letter in the Torah. Many had merit, but all were rejected except for Bet. The first letter of Blessed. Aleph did not appear. When asked to explain she replied, “Master of the world because I saw all the letters leaving your presence fruitlessly. What could I do there? Furthermore, look You have given this enormous gift to the letter Bet, and it is not fitting for the exalted King to take back a gift He has given to his servant and give it to another.” […]

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